Remus J. Lupin [entries|friends|calendar] Remus J. Lupin [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Musing in the Office [18 Nov 2003|09:36am] [ mood | tired ] So, there's a new professor here. Or, rather I should say a new assistant professor. Dumbledore has sent this wayward soul my way, asking if I would mind having an assistant. I won't lie... I never have and I won't start doing so now. I was upset. Thought that he didn't trust me to run the DADA class myself. I handled it just fine two years ago. There's no difference now, especially since I've finally figured out which is the best formula of wolfsbane to keep the wolf sated. So, why would I need an assistant? Yet, after hearing this Carden's story, I couldn't say no. I know what it feels like to be unwanted... to be unable to get a job. Dumbledore was the only one who ever consented to give me a paid position for longer than a few weeks (save any Muggle libraries I worked at). If I were to have turned Carden down, it would have made me a hypocrite. And so I consented. He's been in the Hospital Wing for some time now. Seems that he has a strange memory condition. Can't remember much of his past. What I wouldn't give to be able to say the same. There are quite a few things I would love to forget. Yet, pain makes you numb and makes things easier. Or so they say. I'll speak with Carden sometime soon, now that Poppy has given Carden the okay to leave the Hospital wing. Don't know how exactly I should approach the whole affair. I suppose I should warn him about my lycanthropy, preferably a while before the next moon. I've lived with the lycanthropy for so long, one would think it would get easier to talk about it as time goes on. It doesn't. It just gets harder. Moonlight Sonata

Finally Coming Out of Mourning... for a time... [04 Nov 2003|12:25pm] [ mood | depressed ] I am sure the students were expecting to see me on Hallowe'en. But, well... I had my reasons. It's hard to believe that everything happened fifteen years ago. Fifteen years ago my two best friends were killed, the following day the only man I'd ever known as a lover was sent to Azkaban. Funny how once again I find myself alone. A brief reprieve from the solitude, but now I am on my own once again. It is true what they say about wolves... we are usually solitary creatures. My pack is gone, and I become the lone wolf by necessity, not by choice. I would do anything to have the three of them back. But, if I was really honest with myself, I would do anything to have Sirius back. I had a vain hope that he may appear on Hallowe'en. There are some beliefs about the veil that you are given the choice to return to the land of the living when the veil is the thinnest... on Hallowe'en. I had thought maybe... perhaps. It was a foolish wish, and I knew it. I am alone. And the worst part of it all... I never got a chance to say goodbye. Moonlight Sonata

[22 Oct 2003|07:20pm] Testing something... 3 Heard the Music| Moonlight Sonata

Private Journal Entry [28 Sep 2003|04:37pm] [ mood | embarrassed ] What have I done? Well... to be quite honest... I cannot lay the full blame on myself. I did what any normal professor and head of house would have done. I went and I busted up the Hufflepuff party. Took house points and gave out detentions. And yet, something kept me there. Felt a bit of my own days here perhaps. Grabbed a student and showed them how to dance. How Sirius taught me how to dance. How we danced at the Muggle clubs in London, attracting attention from everyone. And I mean, how Sirius taught me how to dance. Hips against hips. Mimicking the glide of sex on the dancefloor. Body against body, sweat of both mingling together. Of course, the student I had to grab was Draco. Draco of all people. I called him down to my office afterwards. To apologise. I shouldn't have let myself get out of control like that. Not with a student. Never. Strangest thing was... the wolf was silent. When Sirius and I would go clubbing, I could feel the wolf pacing just beneath the surface. If someone would try to cut in on us, the wolf would snap. And last night, the wolf was silent. I'm getting ahead of myself again. Where was I? Ah yes... Draco in my office. So, there we were... him sitting as far away from me as humanly possible. And then, he was standing next to me. I was holding his hand in mine. I was standing... or, I think he pulled me up. I felt arms go around my waist and then... lips. Against my own. Not Sirius's but Draco's. And I kissed him back. My tongue in his mouth. His tongue pressing against my own. Feeling my own arousal coming... his pressing against my hip. Then he was gone. And the wolf was still silent. And now, I'm lost. Moonlight Sonata

The History of Remus J. Lupin [31 Aug 2003|01:58am] [ mood | working ] [ music | Jekyll & Hyde - No One Knows Who I Am ] There was nothing special about the day Remus Julian Lupin was born. He led a normal childhood, and was well liked by the other students at the Muggle school he attended as a child. It didn't take long for his parents to see their son's magical abilities and they were thrilled. Yes, they both came from a long line of pureblood wizards, but the possibility of a squib being born was always a possibility. Until the night that changed his entire world. Remus had been eight years old at the time. Even then he had been an inquisitive child. Remus could spend hours in the great outdoors, studying anything he could get his grubby hands on. The hour was late, and Remus had completely lost track of time. Remus knew the elementary protection spells at that age and neither Augustus nor Jenalie believed anything would happen to their son. Especially when he was only in the back garden. All it took was a minute. A turned back and it was all over. The howl of pain from their son sent the couple running. Blood on their son's shirt and a shadowy creature retreating into the woods just beyond the house. It was that night that changed their lives forever. For, how could you tell an eight year old that he was one of the most feared dark creatures? From that day on, Remus's life was turned upside down. Remus was immediately pulled from his school to be taught at home by his parents. It was a hard thing for an eight year old to accept. He was liked at school... and now his parents were telling him that he could never see these friends again. The changes that happened to him once a month were even harder to undertand. Even as he grew, the transformations were no less painful. At this time, there were no potions to ease the transformations. The wolfsbane was in the trial stages and was certainly unsafe for a child's consumption. Chained in his basement, Remus was forced to undergo his transformations alone. The smell of his own blood was too much for the wolf's scent. He used to claw at his skin, as if trying to escape the wolf. But, as time passed, Remus began to accpet that he and the wolf were one. As he grew closer to his 11th birthday, a saddness began to fill him. Since he was a child, Remus had been regaled with stories of his parent's years at Hogwarts. Yet, the time he would recieve his letter grew closer and closer. Remus, though he didn't quite understand why he should be separated from other children, knew he wouldn't be able to go to school. Until the day when his letter to Hogwarts came. Remus held the envelope with shaking hands, his parents not quite sure what to think of the summons for school. But, as per Dumbledore's letter inside, all the proper precautions were going to be taken. A shack was being procured for the transformations a whomping willow planted at the entrance. All that mattered now was absolute secrecy. Remus was forbidden from telling anyone of his lycanthropy. The prospect of meeting other students was certainly a thrilling one. Even though it almost frightened him. He had been living in solitude for far too long. Remus even wondered if he still knew how to be a friend. The question was solved soon after boarding the Hogwarts Express. Remus had found an empty compartment, content to be in solitude. It wasn't long before the compartment door was thrown open and his life changed forever. Standing in the doorway were two boys who looked like they could have been brothers. One wearing glasses, the other not... and two different sets of eyes. The two joined his compartment. James Potter and Sirius Black were their names. A duo of rabble-rousers if Remus ever saw them. Merlin help him, but he loved them from the first. They were what he had missed for most of his life. Even in those first few moments, Remus knew an eternal friendship had been forged. The three chatted incessantly on the way to Hogwarts, each of them holding their breath once they reached the school going through the test of the sorting hat. When it was all over, the three found themselves sitting together at the Gryffindor table. A fourth, by the name of Peter Pettigrew joined them and the Marauders were formed. Remus was ecstatic. For the first time in his life, he had friends. People who he could spend time with. Who accepted him... Until the first moon came in September. Remus was shuffled off to the shack by Madam Pomfrey. The transformations were becoming worse as he grew older. Oh, perhaps it was the thought of what Remus knew would happen. Somehow, they would find out, then what would he do? His housemates would turn their backs on him and he would be lost. These were the people he would have to room with for the next seven years. If they found out, Remus knew he would be alone at the school... if not expelled. Parents didn't let their children associate with ones such as him. Each of his excuses every month were more brilliant than the last. Brief sickness. Family problem at home. Sadly, by near Christmas, Remus was beginning to run out of excuses. Worst yet, James and Sirius no longer seemed to accept his excuses. Yes, they nodded for his benefit, but Remus knew they were suspecting something. As for Peter? Well, the boy believed whatever anyone told him. The day before they would have left Christmas holiday, all hell broke loose so to speak. Alone on his bed, Remus was pondering what it would be like to spend so much time away from the three boys who had grown to be like brothers to him. He was rudely jolted from his thoughts as the already large frame of Sirius Black sat on the corner of his bed. "You're a werewolf, aren't you?" Remus didn't think he would ever forget that moment. Frightened, he turned around to see if anyone else had heard the declaration, mentally calculating (even as an eleven-year-old) how long he had before he was thrown out of the castle on his ear. Sadly, standing behind Sirius were both James and Peter. What further shocked the young boy was the fact that none of the three bolted from the room. Yes, they were upset, but for the strangest of reasons : why hadn't Remus told them sooner? Remus was positively dumbfounded. Here, these three knew what he was and weren't frightened of him? It was almost too much for him. Yet, it was a relief at the same time. Remus no longer had to hide his lycanthropy from his friends. If anything, they became closer after the incident. Remus would have no idea how close until his fifth year. Countless of pranks later (as well as the idea for a map of the school to be made, though it wouldn't be completed until their sixth year), Sirius led Remus out onto the grounds where the others were waiting. They were dangerously close to the Forbidden Forest and dusk was nearing. If they weren't careful... As they neared the designated spot, Remus saw the invisibility cloak draped over James's arm. Yet, this gave him pause. Sirius had said there was something he wished to show him, but hadn't said a word about the others being there at all. Knowing Sirius as he did, the boy could be up to anything. Never in his wildest dreams, would Remus have ever guessed just what Sirius was up to. Before his eyes, his three best friends changed into animals. Peter (though he still had some trouble with the transformation even then) to a rat, James to a stag, and wonder of wonders, Sirius into a dog. After changing back, Sirius explained the entire story. How, for five years, the three had studied endlessly to learn the art of the animagi. It wouldn't come out until much later who had really spearheaded the entire plan. His very own Sirius had been the one to push the others to accomplish this feat. Even though it hadn't been much to push James, the fact that Sirius had even wanted to come up with a way to ease his transformations was unbelievable. The rest of their fifth year passed without incident. With the company of Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail, his transformations became bearable. He had the company of his friends to keep the wolf sated. Nothing could go wrong. Yet, jealousy is an ugly beast in itself. The relationship between Sirius and the young Slytherin known as Severus Snape was less than amiable. For whatever the reason, the two never got along. During their sixth year, Sirius had played a practical joke on Snape, nearly costing Snape (and Remus) their lives. Snape, as Sirius had explained later, had become too interested in where Remus went every month. And so, Sirius had tricked Snape into going down the tunnel to see where Remus went every month, knowing full well what he'd meet. It wasn't long after that that another truth began to come to the surface. A truth the wolf had known long before Remus ever did... about Sirius. It wasn't long before the two realised what each meant to the other, and from then on were completely inseparable. The few years following Hogwarts were some of the happiest of his life. Celebrating the marriage of (at the time) seemed to be the least likely match at Hogwarts. Sharing the news with Sirius when Lily announced that she was pregnant. Harry's birth... their first year together. Yet, even through the happy times, there was a darkness that would not be pushed away. Voldemort's power and supporters continued to grow and there was an air of unrest in the Wizarding world. Along with unrest came suspicion. In his heart, Remus knew that Sirius was incapable of betraying them, but still... there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. He and his mate quit talking... began to push each other away. Remus knew that if he suspected Sirius of being the traitor, then more than likely, Sirius suspected the same of him. October 31st. For the second time in his life, the night brought about the biggest change of his life. Voldemort dead or nearly dead... frankly it didn't matter. The fact his brain continued focusing on was the fact that James and Lily were dead. No one knew where they were, save for Sirius. That laid the blame on Sirius and Remus needed someone to blame. After the street scene, Remus convinced himself that it was for the best that Sirius was jailed forever in Azkaban. The wolf, however, was not so easily appeased. The wolf missed his mate, especially during the transformations. Once again, without the company of Padfoot, his transformations were horrid. Painful as ever, the wolf stalked about, looking for some trace of Padfoot. A great many scars appeared on Remus's body during those twelve long years. Work for a wizard was scarce. And, work for a wizard werewolf was damn near impossible to find. No one trusted the creatures, not with Voldemort's fall from power still so close. Until one afternoon, nearly six months after the deaths of his two best friends, Remus found a job in a Wizarding library of sorts. It didn't pay well, but it was work, and it was work Remus loved. Sifting through old tomes and ordering them was the dream job. In the back of his mind, Remus had a sinking suspicion the job was procured for him by Dumbledore, but he would never ask the man who had always given him a chance when no one else would. It was a comfortable routine. Work during the day, sleep at night... grow a bit more hair every month. With the invention of the wolfsbane potion, Remus began to keep more control over himself during his transformations. But, nothing would ever compare to the peace brought about by Padfoot or Prongs's company. Even Wormtail... though with his small size he couldn't contain a fully-grown werewolf... was a pleasure to have about. The summons from Dumbledore completely took Remus by surprise. Money was tight and an opportunity to teach at Hogwarts (Defence Against the Dark Arts no less!) was one he couldn't pass up. So, once again, Remus found himself walking the halls of Hogwarts, his lycanthropy a secret yet again. Meeting Harry for the first time, Remus couldn't get over how much the boy resembled his father. Not only in appearance, but in the inner strength the boy possessed. The night in the Shrieking Shack turned his world upside down yet again. The Marauder's Map in hand, Remus looked down to see names running on the grounds he never thought to see again. Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. He had known it was possible for Sirius to be lurking about. After the break-ins, Remus had contemplated going to Dumbledore, telling the man about Sirius's secret. But, to admit that, was to admit that he had betrayed Dumbledore's trust as a child. And so, Remus had kept quiet. Yet, when he found himself in the shack that evening, Remus never would have believed to see Sirius sitting there. The truth came out... a truth Remus knew in his heart, but had tired desperately to cling to the lies for his own sanity... and he found himself once again in the arms of his mate. Embraced him like a brother... only for him to have to run again. When news of his lycanthropy was blurted out by Snape the following morning, Remus knew he couldn't stay. Though he loved his job more than anything, it was impossible for him to remain as a teacher. Even though he had Dumbledore's trust, parents wouldn't have their children being taught by a werewolf... no matter how good the teacher was. And so, once again, Remus left Hogwarts, scrounging around for a job. A year passed and Remus had been unable to find steady work. A few odd jobs here and there helped him to pay the rent, but there was no extravagant living for Remus Lupin. Until the night Sirius had shown up on his doorstep. Filling him in on the events of the last year, Sirius informed Remus that he was to "lie low at Lupin's" for a time... providing that Remus would take him in. Once again, Remus had embraced Sirius like a brother, yet this time, that embrace had led to something else entirely. Together with Sirius, they began to round up the old crowd. Sirius had gained a house to use as headquarters and so the Order of the Phoenix was reborn once again. Sirius's death hit Remus harder than his imprisonment. Then, he had (foolishly) believed Sirius to be guilty of his crimes. To have him back again was like a second chance, only to have it stripped away from him only two years later. Grief-stricken, Remus threw himself into work in the Order. The small irrational part of his brain was telling him to throw caution to the wind. It wouldn't matter if he was dead now. Yet, the rational half always kicked in a short while later. If he perished, where would that leave Harry? He had a duty, not only to Sirius, but to James and Lily as well. And so, with a heavy heart, Remus works tirelessly for the Order... work the only thing that gives him solace. Moonlight Sonata

[30 Aug 2003|02:31am] [ music | Jekyll & Hyde - Lost In The Darkness ] Livejournal Mood Ring mc_remus is intense. You're no-nonsense, to the point, working all the time, looking to die an early death in a bathroom somewhere when your body finally gives out. Way to go. brought to you by interim32. wanna know your livejournal's mood ring color? enter your username and hit the button. Moonlight Sonata

Alone with his thoughts at Grimmauld [05 Aug 2003|12:43pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | silence ] I had never expected to get that owl from Dumbledore. Never. My teaching career ended when Snape opened his bloody mouth at breakfast nearly three years ago. Parents wouldn't stand to have their children taught by a werewolf. I know that. That's why I left. Left before the owls arrived. Left with some bit of dignity in tact. And now he's asking me to come back? It's not that I don't want to go back. I loved teaching. The first time I had a steady source of income me being what I am. How can I go back there now? Snape breathing down my neck... and the memories of my own years there will be too much. It was hard the first time... sitting in certain rooms... the memories coming back. Remembering listening as old McGonagall (she was old even when I was there) talked about animagi and the intense procedure and learning that went along with the training. Looking sideways and seeing Sirius and James trying their damndest to keep a straight face. Swallowing my own laughter as Sirius bolted from said classroom before he made an arse out of himself. How am I expected to deal with all of this now? It's too soon after his death. Too soon. Too soon after everything. I need more time. I suppose there's no harm in speaking to Dumbledore. Talking things out with him... I need more time. And yet, sadly, time is what I don't have enough of. What none of us have enough of. Moonlight Sonata

[20 Jul 2003|10:41pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | The Secret Garden - Wick ] Name: Remus J. Lupin Age & Birthday: 41, September 15, 19 Year: N/A Appearance : Include hair colour : Dull brown colour that's prematurely streaked with gray. Also gets a bit harier every month. Eye colour : Sirius always used to say that his eyes look like liquid amber. His eyes are flecked with gold... the eyes of a wolf. Skin colour/type : Pale or sickly looking. Height/weight : 6'2", 150 lbs. Body type (physique) : Very lean, slightly muscular. No matter how much he eats, he still has the thin wiry frame that is characteristic of the wolf. His increased metabolism keeps him thin. That, and the fact that he doesn't have much of an appetite anymore. Shape of face : Long face with a very pronounced jaw and wide forehead. Freckles : None Eyebrows : Thick and the same light brown as his hair. Eyelashes : Long eyelashes but are a light colour and don't show up too well. Depending on his mood, he'll occasionally kohl his eyes to bring out his features. But, he doesn't do that much anymore. He has no reason to now. Nose : Average size How you dress : The only way to describe it is shabby. As of late, Remus hasn't cared about his appearance. Though his robes aren't in the best of conditions, Remus always used to make some attempt to make himself presentable. (Especially when he had Sirius designing his wardrobe). Now, he has lapsed into almost a state of disrepair. His appearance doesn't mean a thing anymore. He has begun to wear more of the typical Muggle dress. Trousers and faded jeans most often. How you present yourself : Though his appearance isn't what it should be, Remus still presents himself with an air of confidence. He's a man who has been hurt far too often in his life. He is quite guarded in his emotions, a trait he's had since a child. Yet, with the recent events he has retreated further into himself. Only Harry is able to keep him grounded and give him some shard of happiness in his life. Personality : Normal days : In a word : Moody. Remus bounces back and forth between happy and depressed, though, lately it has been leaning more towards the depressed end of the spectrum. Deviation : When he acts more like he used to during his school years. Always plotting, though acts as the conscious of the group. He takes on a bit of Sirius's jovial attitude. Able to make a joke. However, these days are very few and far between. For, as soon as he acts like this, it makes Remus think of him... plunging him back into depression immediately. Friendships : During his school years he was closest to the trio known as James, Sirius and Peter. However, there is nothing he would like better than to see Peter die a slow and painful death. Remus now contents himself with the friendship of those he had one-time seen as mentors, namely Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore. He also has a friendship with the students who didn't shun him due to his lycanthropy, namely Harry, Hermione and Ron. Intelligence : Remus is a very bright individual. Though he acted as the conscious of the MWPP group, he very often was the brains of the operation. He and Sirius coming up with some of their more brilliant plots. As for schoolwise, Remus would have given both Sirius and James a run for their money for top of their class. However, due to his montly absences, it was quite difficult for Remus to keep up with his studies and was content to sit where he did ranking wise. Attitude towards others : Remus is jovial towards anyone he meets, even if he is a bit reserved. It is hard for a werewolf to open up to people simply due to the prejudices given to those of his kind. But, if the person shows themselves to be a friend, Remus will give his loyalty to them without question. With in house : Now that he is out of school, inner-house squabbles are no longer an issue. The only rivalry that still exists today is the one between Remus and Severus. But, some things will never die, no matter how much time passes. Out of house : See above Do they help others up or step over : Remus is the type who will always lend a hand to whoever needs it. The example? Teaching Harry the Patronus charm. Do the go on Hunches or no : Remus will do either. There are times that he will leap without looking, but for the most part, his decisions are made after much thought and debate. History : Blood : Pureblood Parents : Augustus & Jenalie Lupin Siblings : Only child Pets : Snowy owl he's named Keltar Nationality : English (with a touch of French and Scots blood in him, but no more than a trace of either) Family & Personal History : Coming soon, because I just ran out of steam tonight. Moonlight Sonata

[10 Jul 2003|11:40pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | On Your Toes - Princess Zenobia Ballet ] Just a test of the journal. Merely an OOC test. After this... I think I may just post in here as Remus. Let me get a feeling for his character. ^.^ 2 Heard the Music| Moonlight Sonata

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